Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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