come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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