I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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