ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize