i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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