The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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