I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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