just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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