I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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