plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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