I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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