i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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