I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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