you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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