I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize