A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize