I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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