Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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