Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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