I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I did not marry a roomba.
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