She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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