I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
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