I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize