no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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