just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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