FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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