If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize