After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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