her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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