I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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