You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize