i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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