I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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