You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
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There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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