Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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