Soap is not a condiment
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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