Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize