I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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