I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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