We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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