I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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