He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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