If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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