I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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