Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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