I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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