He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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