I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize