I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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