I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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